Love in all its glory is beautiful and authentic. It can evolve us as humans and help us notice parts of ourselves that we never thought existed. It can be purposeful. It can identify another soul so exquisitely. Love has the ability change our perceptions significantly. However, love in itself is not enough and here’s why:
1. Love and compatibility are not synonymous.
Just because you’ve fallen in love with someone does not necessarily mean they are the right partner for you over the long-term. That spark will not hold your relationship as much as it feels like it potentially could.
Compatibility is about logic. Logic is often ignored when we are blinded by love.
I’ve seen people fall in love with people who treat them poorly, who made them feel worse about themselves. It is possible to fall in love with someone who doesn’t hold the same amount of respect for you as you do for them. This is why common personality characteristics and common interests play such a vital role when it comes to compatibility.
You might say, “But opposites can attract?” That is true, but attraction and compatibility are two different concepts.
Your mind and emotions need to constantly be in check with one another. We all want someone who makes our heart beat so fast we forget how to breathe for a few seconds, but we also need to evaluate how they treat themselves, if their ambitions completely different to yours and their overall views in life.
2. All the love in the world is not worth sacrificing your individuality.
Compromise in a relationship is a given. We choose to sacrifice our time, needs and desires for one another because we love one another. However, compromising so much that you end up losing yourself is dangerous.
Loving someone that much is not worth losing your self-respect, values, drive and life purpose.
If you find yourself compromising more than your partner and begin telling yourself that it’s a form of selflessness because it’s coming from a loving place, that is a red flag. What? Why? Because you’re starting to slowly lose yourself in their shadow by adapting and shaping yourself to suit them without realizing it. There is no 80/20 rule in a relationship. A loving relationship is supposed to improve our lives. To enhance who we are as individuals.
3. The foundation of a relationship requires much more than just love itself.
I’d say the top attributes (along with love and apart from them being your best friend) that help build the foundation of a relationship would be open communication, trust and shared fundamental priorities. The rest such as forgiveness, support, understanding and common goals can all be worked on during the process of your relationship. But love itself cannot hold the entire relationship as much as we try to tell ourselves.
Remember that love is just another aspect amongst many others in our lives. It would not be fair to ourselves to treat it as our entire life goal. Choose to make something else more important in your life than just love.