how to become emotionally intelligent : 10 tips

What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. 

1. Learn to be a great listener

Apart from listening to their own thoughts and emotions, people with a high EQ genuinely listen and make mental notes of the important things you are talking about. This is so that they can engage accordingly to what you’ve said in regards to your thoughts/feelings.

2. Put yourself in other people’s shoes

See what they see. Hear what they hear. Consider that the other person’s feelings are always valid in their context. Make way for understanding and try to visualize yourself feeling what they feel. 

3. Try to validate other people’s feelings without judgment

Ever notice how when people understand, they rarely judge? If you apply the second point I made, you’ll be able to judge that person much more less. If you have judged another person and invalidated their feelings by doing so, admit it and apologize. 

4. Be mindful about the questions you ask

When a particular situation occurs, ask them how they feel about it. Don’t assume how someone may feel. We are not mind readers and cannot always assume reason with body language. Ask with thought. 

5. Gain a better grip over your impulses 

Because emotionally intelligent people give a lot of thought into the words they speak and the actions they make, they’re more likely to have better control over impulsive situations. This is not to say they’re not fun or spontaneous, they’re just careful about whether the impulse is going to result positively or negatively.

6. Learn to understand your emotions well

When you can acknowledge your emotions and take time to understand why you’re feeling them, you’ll be able to understand others much more better. You’ll be able to comprehend the thoughts and spoken words that led to their emotions much better too. 

7. Show some empathy

The basis of empathy is the ability to intuitively feel what another person is feeling. No one feels comfortable expressing their vulnerability to someone who cannot empathize with them. For this to happen, you’d need to genuinely care and show it.

8. Raise your state of awareness

Learning to be aware of how others are feeling can potentially stop a lot of unnecessary conflict from occurring. Take note of body language and facial expressions. Being in tune with others (and your own) emotional state is valuable skill.

9. Know when to talk

Sometimes we have the right words, but our timing can be completely off. We may tend to say the right thing immediately in order to make someone feel better, only to find that it wasn’t the greatest time to say it. Timing is everything. 

10. Understanding outweighs winning

When in an argument, try to leave your ego behind. Know that it’s not always about being right and look at where the other person is coming from. A tough one.

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13 Responses

  1. This post is so good, and such a different post to any that I have read before. I think it is really good for those that might struggle to emotionally connect with people!

    Sophia xo //

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